Women's Instruction Book II

Every "Hormone Hostage" knows that there are days in the month when all a man has to do is open his mouth and he takes his life in his hands. This is a handy guide that should be as common as a driver’s license in the wallet of every husband, boyfriend or significant other.

DANGEROUS: What’s for dinner?
SAFER: Can I help you with dinner?
SAFEST: Where would you like to go for dinner?

DANGEROUS: Are you wearing THAT?
SAFER: Gee, you look good in brown.

A couple of tips that may come in handy if you ever get crazy enough to attempt to understand men ;)

1. If you think the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach, you’re aiming too high.

2. Women don’t make fools of men - most of them are the do-it- yourself types.

3. The best reason to divorce a man is a health reason: you’re sick of him.

4. Never trust a man who says he’s the boss at home. He probably lies about other things too.

5. A woman’s work that is never done is the stuff she asked her husband to do.

Part two of your indispensable guide to understanding men ;)

1. Whenever you meet a man who would make a good husband, you will usually find that he does.

2. Scientists have just discovered something that can do the work of five men - a woman.

3. There are a lot of words you can use to describe men - strong, caring, loving - they’d be wrong but you could still use them.

4. Men are like animals -- messy, insensitive and potentially violent, but they make great pets.

5. Men’s brains are like the prison system -- not enough cells per man.

6. There are only two four letter words that are offensive to men - "don’t" and "stop" (unless they’re used together).

7. Husbands are like children - they’re fine if they’re someone else’s.

8. If a man appears sexy, caring and smart give him a day and he will be back to his usual self.

9. All men are like chickens with their heads cut off when they see beautiful women pass by.

10. If your man appears happy, excited and keeps looking at you all of a sudden he is probably checking out the women behind you.

11. Figuring out men is like trying to make a jigsaw puzzle in a car. Once you think you have it all put together, you find another piece but you don’t know where it goes.